Remembering Together: Día de los Muertos and the Power of Communal Grief
Grief has a way of reminding us that love doesn’t end—it changes shape. It becomes memory, reflection, and, when shared, a kind of sacred connection that transcends loss.
In my last post about Scandinavian grief traditions, I wrote about lighting candles in the darkness as a way of remembering those we’ve lost. Since then, I’ve continued reflecting on how different cultures around the world honor grief. Living here in San Diego, surrounded by such rich cultural diversity, I find myself especially drawn to learning about and understanding the meaning behind Día de los Muertos—the Mexican “Day of the Dead.”
Although I’m not from that cultural tradition myself, I’ve always been deeply moved by its beauty. It’s a time when families come together to remember, to celebrate, and to transform grief into something communal and life-affirming.
The Heart of Día de los Muertos
Every year, on November 1st and 2nd, families throughout Mexico and across Latin America gather to honor their loved ones who have passed. The celebration blends Indigenous practices of ancestor remembrance with Catholic observances of All Saints’ and All Souls’ Days.
At the center of the tradition is the ofrenda—an altar created in homes, cemeteries, churches, and public spaces. Covered in marigolds, candles, photos, and favorite foods of the departed, the ofrenda becomes a bridge between the living and the dead.
If you’ve ever seen a Día de los Muertos altar, you know how alive it feels. Bright paper banners ripple in the breeze. Candles flicker. The air is filled with music and the scent of pan de muerto, a sweet bread baked for the occasion. Families tell stories, laugh, cry, and share memories as if the ones they’ve lost are sitting right there among them.
It’s not a day of mourning in the way we often imagine grief—it’s a day of presence. A day to say, “You are gone from sight, but not from our hearts.”
What We Can Learn About Grieving Together
In the United States, grief often feels lonely. We’re taught to keep it private, to “stay strong,” to move on quickly. But Día de los Muertos reminds us that grief doesn’t have to be solitary—it can be shared.
When families and communities come together to honor those they’ve lost, they create space for emotional honesty. They make it safe to remember, to cry, and to laugh in the same breath. That’s what psychologists call communal grief—and it’s one of the most powerful forms of healing we can experience.
In my work providing grief counseling in San Diego, I often meet people who feel disconnected in their grief. They tell me they don’t want to “burden” others or that people around them don’t understand. What I’ve learned is that isolation deepens pain, while connection gently loosens its hold.
Rituals like Día de los Muertos show us that healing doesn’t mean forgetting; it means remembering together.
Joy and Sorrow Can Coexist
One of the most striking things about Día de los Muertos is the joy that surrounds it. Laughter, music, bright colors—these may seem at odds with grief, but they’re not. They represent the truth that love is stronger than death.
In Western culture, we sometimes mistake laughter during grief as disrespectful or “too soon.” But in many traditions around the world, laughter and joy are sacred responses to loss. They celebrate the impact a person had on the world and the love that continues long after their passing.
As a grief therapist, I’ve seen how allowing joy to exist alongside sorrow opens the heart to deeper healing. We don’t have to choose between sadness and gratitude, tears and smiles. Both belong. Both are holy.
The Meaning Behind the Symbols
Image Credit: Roger Ce. Dia de los Muertos Ofrende. Grief Therapy San Diego
Every element of Día de los Muertos tells a story.
Marigolds (cempasúchil) are believed to guide spirits back to the living world with their bright color and scent.
Candles represent the light of remembrance, echoing the universal human impulse to light the darkness.
Pan de muerto, sugar skulls, and favorite foods are placed on the altar to nourish the spirit and celebrate shared life.
Photographs and personal items honor individuality—each object a reminder that the person was real, loved, and known.
When I see photos of candle-lit ofrendas glowing in the evening, I can’t help but think of the Scandinavian cemeteries illuminated during Allhelgonahelgen. Two very different cultures, two very different climates—and yet, the same message: love endures, memory matters, and light brings comfort in the dark.Lessons for All of Us
Even if you don’t come from a culture that celebrates Día de los Muertos, or your faith background conflicts with some of the beliefs and traditions, there’s so much to learn from it.
It teaches us that remembering can be active and joyful. That grief can be colorful and shared. That storytelling is a form of prayer.
Here are a few ways anyone can draw inspiration from this beautiful tradition—always with respect for its cultural roots:
Create a remembrance space in your home—a candle, a photo, a flower. Let it remind you that love remains.
Tell stories about your loved one. Say their name. Share their quirks, their favorite sayings, their legacy.
Cook a favorite meal or listen to their favorite music. Let your senses connect you to their memory.
Gather community—invite friends or family to share memories together. Grief softens when witnessed.
These are not replacements for Día de los Muertos itself, but gentle ways to honor what the tradition embodies: remembrance, relationship, and reverence for life.Grief Counseling in San Diego: Creating a Safe Space for Remembering
As I reflect on these traditions, I’m reminded how essential it is to have a place where grief is welcome. That’s what I hope therapy offers—a quiet, compassionate space to explore your loss, honor your memories, and begin to heal.
In grief therapy in San Diego, I work with clients to create personal rituals that give structure and meaning to grief. For some, that might mean lighting a candle or journaling. For others, it might mean exploring creative expression, faith, or connection with cultural heritage.
For those whose losses are tied to trauma or painful experiences, we take it slowly. Trauma-informed approaches, including EMDR, can help you process what feels too heavy to face alone while keeping you grounded in safety and care.
You can learn more about my approach by clicking on the following specialty pages:
Trauma Therapy and EMDR
The Common Thread
When I think of Día de los Muertos, I’m struck by how it holds space for both laughter and longing. In that way, it’s not so different from the candlelit stillness of Allhelgonahelgen or even the quiet family memorial we held for my grandmother last summer.
Across cultures, we express grief differently, but the heartbeat is the same: love that endures beyond time.
As this grief series continues, I’ll be exploring one more tradition of remembrance — All Saints’ Day — a faith-based practice that invite us to honor those who’ve gone before us. My hope is that each reflection offers a small reminder that we can learn to grieve better—not by moving on, but by remembering together.
Closing Reflection
Whether you light a candle in silence or fill your home with marigolds and song, what matters most is that you make space for remembering.
Grief is not a sign of weakness; it’s evidence of love. It’s a way of saying, “You mattered. You still matter.”
If you’re walking through loss this season, know that you don’t have to do it alone. Through grief counseling in San Diego, we can create a space where your grief is seen, honored, and gently transformed.
“The Lord will watch over your coming and going both now and forevermore.”
(Psalm 121:8)FAQ: Día de los Muertos and Grief Counseling in San Diego
1. What is Día de los Muertos?
Día de los Muertos, or “Day of the Dead,” is a traditional Mexican celebration that takes place on November 1st and 2nd. It’s a time for families to honor loved ones who have passed away by creating ofrendas (altars), decorating with marigolds, lighting candles, and sharing stories. It’s not a somber event—it’s a joyful, loving remembrance of life.
2. How is Día de los Muertos different from mourning?
While mourning often focuses on loss, Día de los Muertos focuses on connection. It acknowledges death as part of life and invites families to remember with laughter, color, and gratitude. It’s about celebrating the bond that continues even after someone is gone.
3. What can we learn from Día de los Muertos about grieving?
This tradition shows us that grief doesn’t have to be hidden or rushed. It can be communal, expressive, and healing. When we share stories, light candles, or remember together, we transform grief into love in action. In grief counseling in San Diego, I often help clients create their own meaningful rituals inspired by these values.
4. Can I honor my loved one using traditions like Día de los Muertos if I’m not from that culture
Yes—if it’s done with respect and appreciation. You can learn from the spirit of the holiday by creating remembrance practices that feel authentic to your own background. Lighting a candle, telling stories, or displaying a photo of your loved one are all meaningful ways to honor their memory.
5. Why does communal grief help us heal?
When grief is shared, it becomes lighter. Community reminds us that we’re not alone in our pain and that our memories matter. Día de los Muertos demonstrates how coming together—through art, ritual, and love—can turn sorrow into connection.
6. How can grief therapy help me create my own rituals of remembrance?
In grief therapy in San Diego, I work with clients to identify personal, cultural, or spiritual practices that bring comfort. Whether it’s lighting a candle, journaling, or connecting with faith or community, rituals can provide structure and healing during seasons of loss.
7. What if my grief feels complicated or painful?
Grief is rarely simple, and sometimes it stirs old wounds. That’s where therapy helps. Together, we can explore your grief safely, especially if it’s connected to trauma or unresolved emotions. You can learn more on my Trauma Therapist Chula Vista page.
8. How do I begin grief counseling in San Diego?
The first step is reaching out for a free 15-minute phone consultation. This gives us a chance to talk about your needs, what you’re hoping to gain from therapy, and how I can best support you. You can schedule through my contact page.
