There is a grief that doesn't come with a funeral. It doesn't earn you bereavement leave or a casserole from the neighbors. It doesn't fit any of the categories we use to organize loss.

It's the grief of loving someone with dementia — watching them disappear while they're still in the room. The grief of estrangement. Of a miscarriage the world expected you to set aside. Of a future you planned for that quietly closed its doors.

Researcher Pauline Boss calls it ambiguous loss — and she argues it's one of the hardest kinds to heal. Not because you're doing something wrong. But because the loss itself doesn't resolve.

A San Diego grief counselor explains what it is, why it's so hard, and how therapy can help.